Jens Berges' blog part 3

I am a man of 72, and I am dying. Whatever I do, I cannot avoid it.

That, by itself, does not make me different from any other person that lives or has ever lived. But at least, I don't want to die in a terrible manner, like most others.

Unfortunately, many people, even today, die uncomfortably. The situation probably was worse for many throughout human civilisation until after World War II, when human rights became more respected. Before that, people have invested an amazing amount of ingenuity into not just killing others, but killing them slowly, with an intention of inflicting maximum pain and horror.

If only we would have a switch with which to just immediately turn off our lives when faced with the alternative of an inevitable but horrible death.

While such a solution is not available at this time, we can speculate which manners of dying aren't as bad as others, and make some appropriate decisions.

In November 2022, I went to a small hospital with a cough that already lasted several weeks. The physician ordered an x-ray, and when he saw it, concluded that I had either lung cancer or tuberculosis. My x-ray below. I understand that this x-ray looks like an advanced case of either lung cancer or tuberculosis. I decided not to undergo any treatment. Chemotherapy for either cancer or tuberculosis would likely have left me nauseated for months, and, in the case of tuberculosis, the potential side effects include sudden-onset, irreversible blindness and deafness.

And what would be the point, at my age, of surviving either lung cancer or tuberculosis, only for a relapse or another fatal disease catching me soon after?

With lung cancer or tuberculosis, I will likely die of respiratory failure. I have prepared a tank of nitrogen and a breathing mask in case I have to cut short any suffering. But I would prefer not to use them. Best would be a cardiac arrest.

I did not agree to further examinations on my lung condition, like a biopsy or sputum culture, to confirm what exactly I am afflicted with. One lives better with a certain degree of uncertainty.

I live in Southeast Asia, the part of the world with the highest tuberculosis incidence rate. Statistically, every person here is already infected with latent tuberculosis. Thus, in case my condition is tuberculosis (unconfirmed), I do not have to be concerned much about infecting others.

It is two years since the x-ray above, and the diagnosis of either lung cancer or tuberculosis. Statistically, I should be dead by now, but actually, I still feel quite OK.

In case you are interested, when this blog is discontinued, I will have finally died.