Jens Berges' blog part 12

The engineering of love

From the time I was around 15 years old, my main aim in life has been to become an expert in the engineering of love. No, my aim has not just been to become a good lover. I am a firm believer in the power of knowledge, and in the scientific, the engineering approach. I believe in studying every aspect of a chosen topic, and I believe in studying it in great detail.

Love and sex are, of course, closely related. We like to have sex with the person we love, especially if we are jealous. And if the person whom we love will let us.

If we are not loved anymore, and if we ourselves do no longer love, life is dull. People who don't feel loved, or who believe of themselves that they do not need to be loved, and who themselves don't love, die earlier than those with a healthy love and sex life.

I talk about the engineering of love, not a religion or mythology of love. As in any field of engineering, my interest is practical.

I imagine the engineering of love as a technical discipline that aids those who study it in building their own better love lives.

No, this is not psychological counseling. The aim is not to change people's own perceptions about their love lives.

A shrink may treat a depressed person by convincing him that no, the world doesn't look down on him, and that no, he is not a flop, not a complete failure in life.

I imagine the love technology not to deal with perceptions of love but with actual parameters. It's a basic principle in any field of science and engineering that there is something to be measured. At the first instance it may sound strange that we indeed believe that yes, quantities of love can be measured, too. We may not be able to express amounts of love in centimeters or kilograms, but I sure know the difference in the amounts of love felt towards me when I compare my girlfriend for five months with a street hooker who is offering me a blow job.

I am an eccentric, unknown person. I don't need to be successful, I don't need to be rich, and I don't want to be famous... I really just want to be in a love relationship, and I want to be at the beginning of such a love relationship. I want to relive again and again what one would consider the best time of one's life. Obviously not again and again with the same girl.

As anybody, I have had my fill of esoteric nonsense about love. Mullahs and priests talk about it. Love as the foundation of the happy family, love as the pillar of a moral lifestyle, love as the ultimate political principle, you name it.

But I myself am much more interested in the practicalities of love. For example, I want to know what I can do to arrange for a good number of attractive women to love me. I'd like them to be not too experienced in the field of love... yes, sexual love. I'd like to be the big love of their lives. I don't want to become their husband for 30 plus years.

What does it take to engineer love? I subscribe to a scientific approach. I work from the small to the large. I believe in solid knowledge of details. I believe in the rule of cause and effect. If a girl is deadly in love with her boyfriend, then there are reasons why this happened. It's not accidental, though it may seem to be. It's also not just one cause but a combination of many. And it can be scientifically analyzed, though I am not aware of any university faculty working specifically on the topic. I know of a Professor of Desire (Eugene Roth's book), but haven't heard of an engineering faculty dedicated to the mechanics or the chemistry of love.

When I was 17, I read Kierkegaard's Seducer's Diary because I was fascinated by the concept whereby even the holiest of emotions, love, can be engineered. I didn't learn many practical tricks from Kierkegaard, but the idea behind it's title is still with me.

I talk in bed. It sounds like an admission of a weakness, or of some kinkiness, but in fact, I believe there is a necessity to talk in bed, before and after sexual intercourse. Language is a very important tool in the field of sex and love, and apart from that, how the heck am I going to learn something about love if I don't ask and listen.

I don't mean that the particular discipline of engineering that concerns itself with love ought to deal with the needs of older men chasing young women. There should be equal weight on the needs of men and women, and of the young, the older, and the old (why, by the way, are those categorized as older actually considered younger than those categorized as old). But then again, this is not a treatise setting the foundation for a new faculty of engineering. This is just light reading on a heavy subject.

The engineering of love.

I have talked to many women of different cultures about the loves of their lives. Consistently, the men with whom they fell in love were physically attractive to them. If you are serious about engineering love, take care that you are physically attractive. There is a lot you can do. You don't have to waste money on cosmetics. They do little but cost a lot. You also waste considerable time applying them.

I'd go for the grander solutions. Cosmetic surgery really can make a difference. Look at the metamorphosis of Michael Jackson. You don't have to go that far, but if I have the choice between a bigger car and a better look, I surely choose the better look.

Mind you, as of this writing, I am 42 and healthy. As long as this is the case, I work on my appearance. But no cosmetic surgery can make me live forever, and the results are not permanent (again, see Michael Jackson.

When my health deteriorates, I will still be practical, and do my best to salvage it.

I will be theoretical (philosophical) about death after I will have run out of practical solutions.

I mentioned earlier that I don't want to be known. Being well-known is a handicap, whatever way you turn it. Can't even have a new girlfriend, or a facelift, without facing gossip.

You want to look athletic, or at least, you don't want to look overweight. To engage in bodybuilding obviously is very time-consuming, and not everybody will achieve worthwhile results. Forcing exercise may leave you with strained muscles or sore joints long before your biceps will look impressive.

When I will be beyond physical attractiveness, as it will happen to all of us, I can still implement a change of location, and go somewhere else, where my economic status contributes more to my attractiveness than my absent youth and lacking good looks.