Jens Berges' blog part 11

Romantic relationships in Southeast Asia

First off, the world is not fair.

If the world were fair, every woman would have (own) one man. The two would love each other, and only each other, from adolescence "till death do us part". No unfaithfulness.

Pretty dream.

The reality, of course, is something else. Marriages, and less formal relationships, deteriorate, and the common understanding is that it's the fault of the husband who, at the root of it all, wants sex with another, younger, woman.

Some of these (Western) men end up in Southeast Asia, and then get (financially) burned. The common, instinctive reaction of Western women is: "serves them right".

I am a man myself, and I have lived in Southeast Asia for more than 40 years. I have had relationships with women in several Southeast Asian countries; some lasted a few years, some a few months, and others less long. I was promiscuous. Blame me.

In the eyes of current Western liberal culture, women can be promiscuous without being blamed. If they date much younger men, it is an act of emancipation. If they date young men from Third World countries, it's even progressive. An act of anti-racism.

On the other hand, when Western men have sexual relationships with younger women in developing countries, this is, by definition, exploitation, and these men are considered sexual predators.

I am Scandinavian, but I don't identify with Scandinavia, or Europe, or the Western world. I don't have to live in a society that is biased against my male sexuality, and considers it toxic masculinity.

I identify with, and live in, Southeast Asia where the fact that I am a man with sexual needs, combined with the (correct) assumption that I am wealthier than the average local guy, is viewed as a welcome economic opportunity.

So, the women in Southeast Asia with whom I had sexual relationships, all took financial advantage of me. Do I complain? No. Did I get burned? No. None of them bankrupted me. What I gave them, were gifts, not investments in a joint future.

I don't mind spending on women. The fact that for most of them, at least at the beginning, my wealth was more important than my lacking youth or physical attractiveness, does not disturb me. And while romantic feelings on their part may have been negligible initially, that changed over time (judged by the amount of jealousness... absent first, but later pronounced). Mind you, young women can feel intense sexual pleasure without being romantically attached.

The ageism of the Western world, however, is fundamentally unlivable to me. The public opinion (a silent consensus) in Scandinavia, Europe, or North America, is thus that an age gap of 20 years (she younger, he older) is considered in bad taste, or even creepy. Many women would not want to be part of such a setting.

But great sex, not fame or net-worth zeros, is the ultimate measure of male success in life. And for that, societies that accept a basically transactional element in sexual relationships are more appropriate.